The Meaning of Grace To My Life By Mazin Sweis

The Meaning Of Grace To My Life

By Mazin Sweis

I was born in Jordan, a very small country that has the largest borders with the State of Israel. The country took its name from the Jordan River in which Jesus Christ was baptized. Ever since my childhood, I recall that I always had a great affection and admiration to the Man Jesus whose love to me was continually sensed deep inside my heart and soul. This feeling of love was aroused in me through the work of a man and his wife: Mr. and Mrs. Whitman. The Whitman’s were missionaries sent to Jordan to preach the word of God in a country unknown to most of the world.

As a child of five years old, I diligently kept my Sunday school attendance, which was conducted weekly at my uncle’s house who lived next door to mine. Mrs. Whitman imprinted in me the greatest desire and yearning to come to know the Lord Jesus who, as I learned, is the very God himself manifested in a human body for the sake of saving mankind from an inevitable damnation and everlasting death.

As I grew up, so many inquires and questions were awakened inside me, which I felt must be answered to find my peace and way of life. I was shy to bring these questions before those who were older and wiser even among those whom I met with during the weekly meetings which I cared very much not to miss. Henceforth, I began my own search and inquisition thereto and set myself to find the answers to the so many questions that had multiplied and expanded through the years; many of these questions remained unanswered until this very day.

As I reached adult age, I developed within myself a certain feeling which made me love to be in solitude and hateful to the system of the world I lived in. Deep inside my spirit, I saw the wrong doings of mankind among each others and their indulgence in sins without giving any respect to God. But, after a while, I saw that even I myself was no better than any other man whose nature was strongly inclined towards committing mistakes and falling into transgressions. I realized then that I had totally fallen into the trap of Satan himself, and as time went by I was indulged more and more into impiety and wickedness. I fully recognized that I had transgressed the commandments of God and deserve to be thrown into Hell.

Later I began to blame my mistakes on mankind and the society which I lived in. I also blamed my close friends and accused them to have made me learn their wicked ways. Consequently, I started to hate living and to hate my very self. Whenever I had a chance to pray wholeheartedly, I used to ask God to end my life; I truly and from the very depth of my soul started pleading with God to take away my life and to put an end of all my sorrows which I was afflicted with as a result of the sinful life that I had lived. I observed myself to have become a mass of living sin that does nothing more than sin itself. Even if I try to do Good, I found myself doing the evil that I don’t wish to do. Later in my life when I read the Bible, I realized what Paul meant when he said, "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" Romans 7:15 (NIV). From then on, the road of dispersion and complete dissolution had started.

Thus had I begun my life until I left the country heading to the United States of America in pursue of higher education. In the States, I thought I would become a better man and that I would forget the past and start to live a meaningful life to reach to my earthly ambitions. In reality my transgressions against the Lord increased as I disassociated myself from my family and became freer in a country which provides much more freedom to all men. Nevertheless, the voice of God inside me was always heard telling me to come to him for rest and for healing from all the sorrow that I was bringing to my life through living the life that certainly did not please God; I always could recall Mr. Whitman’s voice while quoting the Bible and saying: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My Yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28 - 30) KJV.

As time progressed and in the middle of my school years, I began to live a very secluded life as the desire to continue my search for finding the answers of all those queries I had within me had intensified. I started reading so many books related to the questions which required answers. What is the absolute truth? Who is Man that God has loved so much more than any creature to the point that He humbled himself and became in the form of man, and accepted to live a very lowly life among men; to accept to be spit at, to be smitten and struck by a palm of a man, to be scourged and crowned with thorns and then to be crucified until death when He was the Creator of All Things? Is man that precious to God to go all through that...A riddle that need to be resolved?

At that point in my life I left school and decided to stay at home and did nothing but read books in diverse fields whether in religion, art, and science. In occultism, I went into the very depth of its teachings. I was so much determined to reach out for the truth as my desires dictated and to find answers to all those questions. Thus I thought as I sat in full seclusion from all friends, relatives and people, the cause of which had resulted in spending twice the required time for graduation.

One day I saw myself walking into a huge desert, which was completely uninhabited. The color of the sand was very yellowish and I was all alone with no single creature thereabout. In the dream, I found myself walking through the desert while the sun brilliantly shone over my face. I felt extremely happy and joyful, and I was in a splendid mood never felt before; adjoined with real glory and a very high esteem and self-confidence. Inside my soul, I was filled with indescribable peace of mind. My feelings were as if I was exulted in the spirit raised to be in the realm of the gods. My face shone with splendor opposite to the sun. There was absolutely nothing desired or needed as I walked through the desert. I was totally contended and supremely satisfied

As I walked, I said to my self: "If seclusion like this can bring me this magnificent state of mind and feeling of extreme well being, I certainly need no one to be with." I truly felt that God was living in me. As I walked through the desert, suddenly I began to see thorns and thistles growing ahead and around me covering all the area that surrounded me as I proceeded in my walk. I then looked for a piece of wood or a rod to use as I walked through the thorns which I found. As the way became more difficult due to the appearance of these thick thorns, I used my rod to safely go through. After a while, I crossed my way through the thorns, and then I stopped and looked ahead of me, and behold, I saw a very black goat that was standing above a rocky area and lifting one of its legs (Hoof) above the ground. I immediately said to my self: "This goat may have walked through the thorns which I had just crossed through and that it was lifting one of its hoofs above the ground as it may have been hurt, and most likely it must be bleeding." I said to my self, as I was thinking how to help this goat, "If it is bleeding, I thought, I would take a piece of my shirt and rap it around his leg to stop the blood and to comfort him". When I approached the goat wanting to check his leg, the goat screamed in my face with a scream that cannot possibly be described. His voice was absolutely odd and unknown to human being. It was louder than any thing I ever heard coming out of an animal or man. The goat kept on screaming and screaming and screaming continuously without stopping while I was standing contemplating and wondering if I did something wrong. After a while, I began to suspect my self as the cause of this goat's strange behavior which had not stopped screaming yet. At this moment I began to doubt myself. I said to my self: "If this goat is so scared of me to that extent, then what is in me cannot possibly be God." Immediately when that thought crossed my mind, I felt as if something in my body had ruptured out and left me in full despair and agony. Instantaneously, the goat stopped screaming. Immediately thereafter, I felt so sad, so scared, terrified and lacking joy and confidence, and then darkness began to creep around me. The goat then carried me through the air and brought me to the very place I lived when I was very young. I looked around and saw friends and relatives celebrating and drinking and having great joy. I then said to my self, as I looked at them 200 feet afar: "What could they be so happy about?” "There is nothing worthy in this world to making somebody happy anymore." Then I again looked around me and saw the goat standing next to me. I felt as I stood with him so depressed, so scared and with indescribable despair and extreme melancholy with no confidence in my self, or self-esteem.

For the next 30 years of my life, I remained sunken in oblivion. The Holy Spirit, however, never abandoned me or left me without his care and protection. If I have to describe the power of the Holy Spirit which had guarded me through all these years, I would have to write a whole book on the things which I had encountered in my every day life and amazingly resulted in getting all my needs miraculously. To mention one major situation that I had done while being in that state of mind and come out with full victory, I must refer to the return to my university. Without going into details, when I returned to school to continue my endeavor for graduation in the field of aerospace engineering, I became an A student in most of my courses and graduated with an honor recognition. If I have to stay on my knees all my life raising thanks to God the Father with my eyes pouring out tears, I could not render to God my gratitude for all the wonders he had done unto me.

The vision I had seen was revealed to me by Jesus Christ my Lord and my savior. Jesus loved me so much and wanted to relay a message to me. He wanted to warn me against my indulgence in worldly wisdom and knowledge. He wanted to draw my attention to him who has all the true treasure of all knowledge and wisdom and power and splendor. He wanted me to turn to him for all answers that I seek to understand for He is the true rock upon which the whole Universe is sustained; no power outside his could possibly displace or dislodge that rock. Jesus Christ is truly God Almighty clothed with untold splendor and endless glory that remains for ever.

The Lord Jesus had shown me how the worldly joy and happiness are but for a moment and would soon disappear and be no more. The savior had shown me how all that which I had obtained from a worldly source would soon come to a naught. Had I acknowledged him as the savior and come to him and requested any understanding that my soul yearned to understand, He would have granted me my desire because He is a loving God. No power in the Universe would have detached me from him and his eternal love. Through him all things were made and without him nothing was made. If only I had come to Jesus for any need, I would not have waited 30 years in full despair to realize 30 years later that He is my Lord, my Savior and my God who came down from his glorious estate and became as man and lived as man among men and surrendered himself to death paying thereby the wages of my sins and the sins of the world. Not only that but He had risen from among the dead for He is God that has all power including the power of Life and death in his right hand. What a mighty God He is!

Jesus Christ is truly the answer for all questions no matter how complex they may seem. Jesus Christ is God almighty who forgives all sins, who heals all sorrows and redeems us from being thrown to the pit. He is the God who would crown me with his loving kindness and great compassion. He is the God who would raise me from death at the appointed day and grant to me eternal life filled with glory and splendor.

Blessed be your name O Lord Jesus for you alone are God worthy of worship and adoration. To you every knee in heaven or earth or under earth will bow down and every tongue will confess that you alone are Lord for the Glory of God the Father. You truly have come as man and paid for the penalty of my sins through your blood that was poured out at your great cross. You alone are my refuge and my fortress. You are my God whom I trust.

I thank you Lord Jesus for your salvation and for cleansing me from every evil deed or sin. I thank you for making your great self known to me.

"Great and marvelous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints. Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? For thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest" (Rev 15:3-4)

All Praise and Glory be to you O Lord Jesus Forever and ever.

Amen.

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