Before You Say, “I Do.”

What should you ask yourself and the other person before you say, “I Do” that may help you determine if the person is the right one for you?

a) What question you should ask yourself?

I think several questions need to be asked of oneself - Am I the right person, that is, am I ready to be married? This should be asked well in advance of even considering a courtship and marriage. Would I make a good husband? Am I mature enough as a Christian to lead my family spiritually, to provide materially for my family, to love someone selflessly beyond how I love myself, to fulfill the responsibilities of a husband? Am I healthy in my relationships and in my soul? Does God want me to marry - do I have a longing in my heart to marry and be married? Am I prepared to wait for God's best even if that means years of waiting and passing on inferior choices?

If one can honestly answer yes to these questions, I would say that they are ready to consider marrying. If the answer is no to one or more, I would recommend having God work on you to make you the right person. Quit looking for the right person, but let God make you the right person, that way when he brings her to you, you'll be ready. Use this time to grow as a Christian.

(b.) What should you ask the other person?

I think three real important questions come to my mind - one, is she a Christian? This is so important, and not to convince yourself that she is because she goes to church or likes your "spirituality" or she's interested in spiritual things - but, is she a Christian? Second, do the two of you have the potential of a greater ministry beyond what you do individually? That is, does your faith come alive and are you able to complement one another to produce fruit for the kingdom beyond what you could do as two singles. Three, does she move you closer to God or farther away from Him - do you desire Him more with her in your life? I'm assuming that you are attracted to the person intellectually, physically, emotionally, so I have strayed away from these obvious questions. So, if one can honestly answer yes to these, I would say you are really on the right track to a finding a godly mate.

Daryl Bell

Married

I think you should ask yourself: Am I a suitable wife for him? Will I be able to be a helper to him? Will I be able to make him happy and meet his expectations in marriage? Will I be able to serve the Lord with him?

I believe that there are three important questions you should ask the other person:

1. What does the Bible mean to you? Do you believe in the inspiration, authority, and inerrancy of the scripture? Is the Bible the only authoritative guide in your life? How important reading the Bible to you and when you read the Bible, do you feel that God is talking to you through it?

2. What is your position about money? Do you believe that the money you have is from the Lord and we should give it back to him? Do you pay your tithe, at least 10%?

3. What is your philosophical view about marriage? For instance, my view about marriage was that both husband and wife should have mutual respect and that my husband should respect and love my family.

Farida Kiorkes

Married for 5 years

Chicago, Illinois

I would ask these questions: Is he a true believer? Does he live his faith? Do I see Christ in him? Am I attracted to him? Can I be a friend with him? Do I respect him? Do I look up to him? Is it God’s will for me to be with this person?

I really need to fast and pray for this. Usually, I pray and ask the Lord, “God, please show me what I need to see in them.” In the past, He showed me clearly things that no one would see. I think it is because of His grace, He showed me these things.

Christine Najjar

Single

Chicago, Illinois

I would ask him about his relationship with his mother. If the mother has a big influence on him, then he will run to her instead of me. The second thing I would ask if he is willing to share everything with me, his dreams, his thoughts, his feelings, his life, etc. I would ask myself, “Is this marriage going to succeed? How would I face problems later?”

Maureen Dakhoul

Married for 20 years

Chicago, Illinois

I would ask: Does she resemble the qualities described for a woman in Proverbs 31?

Fadi Amari

Single

Chicago, Illinois

The most important thing is to have the same faith and the same basic goals in life. Be sure to have the same ministry and goals. Don’t pick someone with goals that are grossly conflicting with your goals.

Also, get to know the person very well before you marry him or her. Find out about his likes and dislikes, his spiritual life, his friends, his family, what he does in his free time, his beliefs and convictions, what are his dreams for the future, etc. You cannot change people. What you see is what you are going to get and you cannot change the person.

Y. and A. K.

Married for 1 year

Chicago, Illinois

I would ask the following questions: Do my beliefs and his match? What is his educational background? His age? His interests? His hobbies? Why am I interested in him? The most important thing is to see Christ in him. I will pray and seek God’s leading.

Raghad Gammo

Single

Toronto, Canada

Assuming the person is a born again Christian who is dedicated to Christ and his work, I would ask myself the following questions:

1. Is this relationship a result of God’s provision or was it engineered by my flesh? I am very suspicious of relationships that I engineered by and for myself. If God wants something to happen, he will engineer my circumstances to make things happen. In addition, is this relationship for the gratification of the flesh or is it for God’s glory?

2. Do I have peace about this relationship? In his book “Choosing God’s best,” Dr. Don Raunikar writes, “Learn to let the presence or absence of the peace of God in your heart be the umpire of your human relationships. Satan’s evil spirits and your flesh can speak to you and even quote Scripture, but neither one can counterfeit God’s deep, settled peace. ‘And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 4:7).” Dr. Raunikar writes that God’s voice stills us, leads us, reassures us, enlightens us, encourages us, comforts us, calms us, and convicts us. While Satan’s voice rushes us, pushes us, frightens us, confuses us, discourages us, worries us, obsesses us and condemns us.

3. Does this relationship calls for the abandoning of God’s calling for my life? The general biblical principle is to remain in the calling that God called us to.

4. Am I a suitable spouse for this person? Will I help him be the man God wants him to be? Will I help him fulfill God’s calling in his life? God’s will considers the effects on other people. “Satan’s evil spirits tell us that we can do what we want and shouldn’t worry about the rippling effects of our lives on other people. In contrast, God has not only our best interests in mind but also the good of all concerned” (Raunikar).

5. Is this relationship centered on the person of Jesus Christ? Am I spiritually better off married to this person or remaining single?

I would ask the other person the following questions:

1. What are his doctrinal beliefs and his worldview? What a person thinks, he does.

2. Does he have a passion for Christ? Does he love Jesus from all his heart, his mind, his strength, and his soul? Is his goal in life to live for Christ? Does he have a passion to win souls for the Lord? Does he enjoy spending time in the presence of the Lord?

3. Is he content as a single person? If this person is not satisfied and happy in Christ, then he is not ready for marriage. An anonymous author wrote, “God says [to the single person], ‘No, not until you’re satisfied and fulfilled with living a life loved by Me alone. I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.’”

4. Is this person involved in the ministry? “Watching how other singles minister is one of the best ways to evaluate their character before pursuing them or being pursued in courtship” (Raunikar). Does he serve the Lord with his time, with his talents, with his money, etc? His commitment to God as a single person is the most important indicator and predictor of his commitment while married. If he is not faithful with his life as a single man, I doubt that he will be faithful later.

5. What is his position on divorce and remarriage? Is divorce an option to him? Is he committed to work hard on his marriage and to do anything it takes to preserve it and make it a happy one?

The list of questions could be endless. The most important question is to know whether or not it is God’s will. Dr. Raunikar writes, “Christians must realize that it is more important to be certain that a marriage is God’s will than to judge our suitability for marriage by love, attraction, or compatibility. Our situations change and we grow through the years. We cannot predict future compatibility on our own.” In addition, “God’s knowledge and wisdom are far greater than ours. He can see the entire landscape while we concentrate on a single valley. We would be foolish to try to fit God into our mold and conform Him to our plans. Yes, He did give us a brain, and we should be smart enough to know that God’s even smarter.”

Lois Amari

Single

Chicago, Illinois